60 Days of Heartbreak
by aomeanie
Summary: How many days does it take to cure a broken heart? [Warning: Character death/Suicide reference] [Aokise] [Oneshot]


_It was a peaceful day – one where not a care was given in the world, other than subtle giggles and innocent touching. The wind was whistled softly amongst the browning leaves of the old trees, and the soothing pitter-patter of rain could be heard against the roof of the house. The only thing that mattered was the one thing set in front of you; the one who would spend their peaceful day doing nothing but sitting around and holding you until both of your hearts desired._

_For Kise, that one person was Aomine Daiki._

**_Cling-cling-cling_**

_The harmonious sound of the wind chime hanging outside the window echoed throughout the quiet house, causing amity to fall over the two males lying together on the couch. Aomine ran his calloused fingers through Kise's golden locks as to put him at further ease, their breathing synchronized. They had been entangled in each other's hold in silence for countless hours; leaving the rain to fill in the muteness of the room. The two of them found the quietness to be rather pleasant. Being able to be with the one you love, but not having to say anything proved that actions speak louder than words._

_Aomine's hand brushing through the falling strands of Kise's hair assured the blond that he was still awake. And as long as Aomine was still conscious, he was content. It wasn't often that they got to spend time like this, so Kise made sure to relish each and every second of it. His long lashes slowly fluttered open with each caressing stroke upon his head – the feeling nearly putting him to sleep._

_A relaxed sigh was heard from Kise's lips._

_'You're like a cat,' the silence was finally broken, and to Kise's surprise, by Aomine. After teasingly stating his opinion, the blue-haired male lowered his hand away from Kise's hair and set it on his back._

_The blond raised his head minimally so that their gazes could meet, only to see the tanned male beneath him grinning smugly. Kise frowned, because he was upset that he had stopped caressing his head. It felt nice, and it was putting him to sleep. Why did he stop?_

_'What makes you say that?' His honey-brown orbs flickered with curiosity._

_With a seemingly amused look, Aomine raised his hand to stroke Kise's golden locks one again. Immediately, the blond's eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into his touch. Aomine's hands were warm – and although they were rough, and calloused – they still felt nice against his softer skin._

_'See. You're nearly purring just from such small contact," Aomine teased and then pulled his hand away again._

_'Ao—mine—cchi,' Kise emphasized each syllable as to accentuate his frustration. This drew out an entertained laughter from the blue-haired male. He didn't want him to stop. All he wanted was to lay with Aomine for eternity as he casually brushed his fingers through his hair. He almost began verbally expressing his longing for Aomine's touch, but he didn't want to seem needy._

_A bit of thunder was heard from outside and it caused Kise to jump, his grasp suddenly tightening around the male beneath him._

_Aomine laughed._

_'It's just a bit of thunder, kitty. Calm down.'_

_Kise shot a glare at his boyfriend upon hearing the new sudden nickname. The label made him feel like a sappy teenage girl. 'Kitty?' His eyes narrowed disapprovingly as he parroted the name. He wasn't a girl, so he didn't need girly nicknames. Aomine knew that, and he could see from the mocking expression on his face that he was doing it to be a pain. Although he knew how to provoke him more than anyone in the world, it was these same provoking things that made him fall for the tanned male._

_Just as Kise was going to protest against the nickname, Aomine leaned up to press a chaste kiss upon his pursed lips. This immediately caused his irritated demeanor to falter, and he melted into Aomine's hold once again. He supposed being called kitty wasn't so bad. As long as it was only his Aominecchi saying it._

_Silence fell amongst the two once again, this time Aomine was softly brushing his fingers over Kise's back. The rain heard from outside seemed to grow harder, and the pitter-patters turned into obnoxious pat-pats. Kise could feel himself beginning to drift off once again – Aomine's soothing breathing only contributing to his consciousness slipping away._

_'Kise.'_

_'Huh?' The blond's words were muffled against Aomine's chest._

_'I've been thinking about something this whole time…'_

_'Hm, what is it?'_

_He stopped rubbing Kise's back, and began squirming a bit so that it would be easier to maintain eye contact with the other. Kise lifted his head, inquisitive as to what was probing at Aomine's mind. As they met gazes, Aomine brought a hand up to brush a few loose strings out of Kise's face, and provided him with a compassionate grin. It wasn't usual that he got to see Aomine smile like that, so he made sure to keep his eyes glued to him until the grin faded. There was no way he was going to let a moment like that slip from his sight._

_'It's a bit silly, but… I was thinking about what I would do if you ever died…' Aomine seemed to choke on his words somewhat. 'And I thought, well that's easy; I'd just end my life as well and meet you on the other side.'_

_Thunder boomed, nearly shaking the house._

_'But then...' Aomine's gaze averted elsewhere as he continued on with his thoughts. 'I thought of the possibility of it being vice versa. I wouldn't want you to end your life over me… I want you to live your life to the fullest and milk every given day out of it.'_

_'That's not fair,' Kise cut him off, his brows furrowed. 'I wouldn't want to live life without you, Aominecchi. That's not fair.'_

_'I wouldn't want to live life without you either, but the thought of you giving up pains me more than the thought of us not being together.'_

_'But wouldn't that mean I would be giving up on you?'_

_'Don't get upset, Kise. I understand your approach, but you wouldn't want me killing myself over you either, would you?'_

_Kise fell silent because he was right. If he was put in that situation, Kise would want him to continue on with his life, just as he would want him to continue on with his. Even if the thought of him moving on internally pained him, the thought of him ending his life pained him even more. The blond cringed a bit, and pushed himself away from the blue-haired male so that he could sit up properly. He didn't like the conversation they were having… Aomine always had to ruin their romantic moments…_

_'Kise…'_

_'No, I wouldn't want you committing suicide.'_

_Aomine grinned and pulled Kise closer once again, not allowing him to have the space he was trying to create amid the two. 'But you see, I would do it anyways,' he wrapped his arms around the blond and held him tightly against his chest. 'And I have a feeling that you would do it anyways as well. So I want to declare a proposal, so that we can both meet up to each other's requests if we were to ever be put in this type of situation.'_

_It was a horrible thought, living without Aomine, and to Kise's taste, it was a much too realistic thought. He'd much rather lay around and be caressed than talk about serious issues._

_'What is your proposal?' Kise muttered in a seemingly jaded tone as his face was pressed uncomfortably against Aomine's chest._

_'How long does it take to cure a broken heart?' Aomine asked._

_'I dunno, I guess it depends…'_

_'We'll say sixty days.'_

_'Hah? Did you just come up with that number?' Kise tried pushing himself away from the tanned male beneath him, but the attempt ultimately failed. Aomine was strong._

_'Maybe, but that's not the point,' Aomine's grasp tightened after having Kise trying to escape his hold. 'So, if either of us are to die, we have to wait sixty days before reuniting.'_

_'So you mean we have to wait two months before committing suicide?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'Sixty days is a long time,' Kise grumbled under his breath._

_'It's worth the wait if I can be with you for eternity.'_

_Kise could nearly feel his heart melt. Aomine wasn't necessarily the type to express his love verbally, but when he did, it always seemed to touch Kise to the point that his eyes would tear up. He buried his face deeper into the blue-haired male's chest as to hide his watery eyes and idiotic grin. 'Okay. Then sixty days it is,' Kise agreed._

_Aomine smiled contently, and then pressed a soft kiss on the blond's forehead. 'The wind chime is soothing, isn't it?' Aomine asked as he began running his fingers through Kise's hair._

_'Mhmm.'_

_And then they fell silent for the third time that evening. The only thing filling in the void was the aggressive sound of the rain hitting the house, and the wind chime blowing around frantically._

* * *

**_"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..."_**

**_― Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight_**

* * *

**Day 1**

Dear A,

I can't feel anything. It's a miracle that I can even manage to write, because every part of my body is numb. I tried writing out your name, but my fingers couldn't seem to move the pencil, so I've resorted to just using your initial, I hope you don't mind. I'm not even sure what possessed me to pull out this unused journal, but I just need some way to express my thoughts. I don't want to talk to anyone but you. So now I'm left with no one to talk to, and this journal to spill my thoughts.

I keep finding it hard to breathe. It feels like my chest is caving in, and each time I try to inhale, my breath gets caught in my throat and I begin choking on air. When I try to exhale I begin choking on my tears, and I get lost in my uncontrollable sobbing. I can't stop crying, and I can't stop my limbs from shaking. My mom has come into my room a few times and covered me in multiple layers of blankets but nothing seems to stop the shaking. Why won't it stop? Someone make it stop.

Everything I've tried to eat today I've thrown up. But I'm hungry… I'm so hungry… It's as if my body wants to shut down completely. It's rejecting anything I put into it, whether it's oxygen or food. I've never had something like this happen to me before, and I'm slightly frightened. I just want to go back to feeling normal, but I know that's impossible without you here.

I can't function without you.

Everyone keeps calling me, but I've ignored all of their calls. No one else matters anymore, so why should I answer? Besides, I can't stop crying. I can't talk like this.

You know, they told me you were dead over a phone call? And at first I didn't believe them, because there's no way you could be dead, right? So I sent you a bunch of texts telling you that someone was playing a sick joke on us. I check my phone every five minutes because I'm still waiting for you to reply. Even if I know that you being dead is true, I still have some hope that it's all just a lie. This whole time I've been wishing that it was me. To think that you were just out buying us drinks… It hurts me. Because I should have been the one in that store when it got stood up. And I should have been the one who got shot. Someone as strong as you doesn't deserve to die.

But then again, I wouldn't want you to have to experience this pain. It hurts so bad. My heart… It hurts. It feels like someone stabbed my heart with a dagger and is continuously twisting it… Twisting and twisting it until my I can't even feel the pulse of my own heart. Numbness and pain. I feel like a hollow shell.

_[A few of the words are smudged because of the teardrops that fell all over the page.]_

_[He decides to write a letter for every day that he has to wait.]_

* * *

**Day 2**

Dear A,

It's a miracle, but I've managed to stop crying for now. Only because I think my tear ducts are momentarily dried out. If I could burst into tears right now, I would. I'm still shaking, though. It's starting to become painful, the constant trembling. I just want it to stop, but nothing seems to make it cease. I've kept myself hidden under multiple sheets of blankets, until I could practically feel my skin scorching under the fabric. But I can't seem to stop it. It's not because I'm cold, it's because I'm shocked.

Also, I didn't go to school today, because I don't think I could handle facing anyone right now. My brain is also fried; I don't think I'd be able to process anything in class. And I still can't seem to keep my food down. If I were to show up to school like this, I'm sure the staff would end up sending back home anyways.

My family comes into my room to check on me every now and then, but I've been hiding under my covers. I haven't moved from this spot since yesterday, and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to. If I go outside, I'll be reminded of the fact that you're no longer out there. It's a world without you, and that's not a world I want to be in. I tried getting out of my bed once, and immediately collapsed. I laid in the fetal position on the ground and cried for nearly three hours. That was until one of my sisters came into my room and helped me back into my bed. I feel so helpless.

If it wasn't for that stupid promise we made, I'd be with you right now…

It's crazy to think that you died yesterday. I feel like if I pick up my phone and call you, you'll still answer. Because life without you just doesn't seem realistic. Or possible, to say in the least…

I'm calling your phone now.

It went to voicemail…

I left you a voice message, so whenever you decide to listen to it, be sure to give me a call back.

* * *

**Day 3,**

Dear A,

Did you know this was going to happen? Is this why we had that conversation a year ago? You knew you were going to die, didn't you? And you didn't even think to warn me. How selfish could you be, A? To leave me this heartbroken… I feel like my heart has been ripped in half. And there's no way this can be healed, because you just so happen to have the other half.

Sometimes I think about breaking our promise because I don't see any point in keeping it. You were selfish enough to leave me here, so why can't I be selfish enough to chase after you? Oh, because it's always been okay for you to be the selfish one, right? You never seemed to care about anyone but yourself. You always did what seemed to benefit you. And I stayed with you in hopes that you would change because… dammit, I loved… I love you so much. Everyone would tell me how I deserved better, how you didn't treat me the way I should be treated. But I didn't listen because I was head over heels for you.

Maybe you dying was for the best. Maybe it's fates way of telling us that we weren't meant to be together.

I'm sorry. Please come back.

* * *

**Day 4**

Dear A,

Kasamatsu-senpai visited me because I haven't been answering his calls. He yelled at me and told me to stop being so weak, that a man shouldn't be crying over another man. I don't think he meant it in such a harsh way, I just think it was a failed attempt to pick me back up. I started crying in front of him, and I think I ended up scaring him off. He's seen me cry over games before, but he's never seen me cry like this. He tried consoling me, but his arms… his grasp was cold. Not in a literal sense, because he was rather warm, but as he tried to console me, I just wanted to cry even more. Because there seemed to be no genuineness. Just a teammate wrapping his arm around another teammate in attempt to stop him from sobbing. Usually I'd be embarrassed, but it's gotten to the point where I don't care who sees me like this. No one's opinion matters to me anymore, anyways.

Because I'm leaving in fifty-five days.

* * *

**Day 5**

Dear A,

My mom brought home teriyaki burgers, and I threw up before even managing to take a bite. It was horrible, because I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to the bathroom, so I threw up in the kitchen sink. She yelled at me, but her words were just muffled cries in the back of my mind.

I remember one time in middle school when we went out to grab some burgers. And we made a bet on who could eat the most in five minutes. You won, of course, because teriyaki burgers are your favorite. But we both ended up with upset stomachs on the way home. It was a horrible feeling at the time, but I can't help but look back and…

I wouldn't say smile… More like cry. It's just a content feeling, knowing that I at least have memories of you.

* * *

**Day 6**

Dear A,

Your funeral was today. I'm sorry, I didn't go. I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. Knowing your body would be in the same room, but your presence wouldn't… The thought has me trembling again… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I couldn't even find the strength to say good bye one last time. I'm pitiful, and I deserve to die. I don't deserve to live like this.

Even my parents went. They came back and told me how beautiful of a ceremony it was. They named off all of the people that arrived – which was pretty much everyone but me. Apparently, a few people approached my parents and asked where I was. My parents told everyone that I was sick in bed, which is true to some extent. I'm surprised anyone even asked about me. They've all stopped trying to contact me. Maybe they've realized that attempting to reach out to me is worthless.

I heard you had an open casket. My mom said you looked peaceful. They cleaned you up and dressed you in a suit. Everyone carried a flower up to you and dropped it into your coffin. She said that your family couldn't agree to one kind of flower, so the types varied. There were roses, and daisies, and sunflowers, and tulips… Some petals fell over your face, and apparently they contrasted well with your skin. She said that, surprisingly, you've never looked better.

I think she was trying to make me laugh with the last statement, but it didn't work. Instead I began to feel numb, and there was a sudden bitter taste on my tongue. I hadn't eaten anything that day, so I don't know why I ran off to vomit. At this point, I'm just throwing up my own bodily fluids.

My mom said she signed me up for therapy while they were out. Crazy to think it hasn't even been a week, and I'm already this emotionally unstable. Just when I think the trembling has finally stopped, it will start back up again. Sometimes it'll last for hours, and other times it will last for mere minutes. I've tried taking pills that will help me get drowsy, I thought that maybe it would make me lethargic enough to stop shaking. I was wrong. Now I'm dead tired, trembling, and can't fall asleep. I haven't had a full night's worth of rest since the day before you died, and I just wish my body would stop rejecting the fact that you're no longer here so that I can sleep.

While everyone was gone at your funeral, I went downstairs and took the wind chime down. Every time a gust of wind blew, I could hear the hollow metal tubes bouncing off of each other. I used to think the sound was pleasant, but it's gotten to the point where it's noisy. Each time it chimes I cringe. It's making music into a world that you're not in, and I can't help but be frustrated. They say the harmonious tune of a wind chime is supposed to soothe your mind and body, but all I felt was isolation and loneliness.

I'm just counting down the days until I can be with you again.

* * *

**Day 7**

Dear A,

Momoicchi came over today, she wanted to check and see if I was okay. I lied and told her things were fine. She didn't seem to buy it, anyways. It's hard to lie to someone who's good at analyzing people. At some point during her visit, I started tuning her out; because she started talking about how skinny and frail I was beginning to look. That's mainly because I haven't been able to eat, not without throwing my food up.

She tried to tell me that she's feeling the same pain that I am, and that she's lost someone just as important. Tears began to welt up in her eyes and she began choking on her words. Usually I would try to console her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Mostly because I was trying to hold back my tears as well.

Why did it take her a whole week to come visit me if she knew how much pain I was in? Everyone has stopped trying to call me. I haven't heard from anyone since the day you died. I guess you could say that old habits die hard. The Generation of Miracles will never change.

…When did I become so bitter?

Anyways, she gave me your jerseys. Said I could have them, since it doesn't seem like I'll be getting anything else. So I've been wearing your dark one since she left. When was the last time you washed this thing? It smells. But underneath the musty smell of your sweat, your sweet, distinct scent is still there. It's as if your laying right next to me… I would kill to have you right next to me again. You were my personal heater. Whenever I was feeling a bit chilly, all I had to do was nuzzle closer to you. I've been cold ever since the day you died.

* * *

**Day 8**

Dear A,

I think the jersey helped me fall asleep. It tricked my mind into thinking you were there, and I was able to slip unconscious for a few hours. I'm still tired, but at least I was able to get some minimal amount of sleep this week. My first day of therapy is supposed to be in two days; hopefully they'll give me something that will help with my insomnia. But I don't think anything can fully cure it as long as you're not here.

Sixty days to mend a broken heart… You really are an idiot.

* * *

**Day 9**

Dear A,

My parents tried to convince me to go to school, and I broke down into a sobbing fit. The thought of leaving the house scares me. The fact that you aren't out there makes me feel so empty, and I don't know how much longer I can go like this.

I just want you to hold me again, to run your fingers through my hair and call me a blondie. I miss being able to press my ear against your chest and hear the way your heart would beat sporadically. And I miss how stupid, yet surprisingly compassionate you were. You never used to say "I love you" often, but you always made sure to show it through your actions. Sometimes, just the way you would look at me was enough to make me melt into a puddle. And the way you would kiss me always made my heart flutter. I got to see a side of you that no one else got to see, and I just wish that I could see it one last time.

* * *

**Day 10**

Dear A,

Therapy was interesting. And by interesting I mean not helpful. My mom is wasting money on this lady. Really, all she is doing is paying for a psychiatrist to prescribe me pills. For the first thirty minutes of our session, she asked me a lot of questions about you. She told me that if I wasn't ready yet, I didn't have to answer some of the questions. I couldn't bring myself to answer a single one. If I even tried to open my mouth, tears would welt up in my eyes and my breath would hitch in my throat.

The pills my psychiatrist prescribed to me are supposed to help with my depression, but I just took my first one, and all I feel is emptiness. I heard that these are supposed to make me feel like myself again… but I don't want to be myself without you.

I wonder how many it would take to put me to sleep permanently.

* * *

**Day 11**

Dear A,

Do they have basketball hoops where you are? When my sixty days are up, do you think we could play a game of one-on-one?

I was just thinking about the first time we met. I followed you to the gym and watched you play, and I remember how cool and carefree you looked while playing. At that same moment I decided I wanted to play basketball so that I could play against someone as strong as you, and even surpass you. I never got to do that, you know. I can't surpass someone who isn't here…

Playing basketball with you was one of the best experiences of my life. We were the only two that would stay after practice and continue to play until our knees gave out. Then we'd sit on the court and joke around. You'd make fun of me for not being able to beat you, but in a way, I was glad that I couldn't. Losing sucks, but the challenge gave me a thrill. I don't know if I ever thanked you for that experience… but thank you, A.

_[He closes the journal, only to return a few hours later after having continued to contemplate their Teikou days.]_

It really hurt watching the game you loved slip away from you.

I know a lot of things have changed since Teikou, including the extent of my admiration, but I'd like to start over. I know you changed because you felt as though you had given your all to a world that turned against you. I want you to know, I never turned against you, and I admired you all the way up to our last school official game. So maybe when I get to your side of the world, we can reenact the first day we met. Just… let's skip the part where the ball hits my head.

* * *

**Day 12**

Dear A,

I just took and anti-depressant and I'm feeling pretty numb. It's kind of unpleasant, but I'm starting to grow used to it. At least this way I can't feel anything. Not even my aching heart. I think to some extent, the pills are starting to work, though. Because I actually went downstairs today. I even looked out the window. It was snowing. A few kids were running around throwing snowballs at each other. They seemed to be really happy, and I started to miss when I was able to be that carefree.

It reminded me of how we used to have snowball fights with the team in middle school. You, Kurokocchi, and I used to really get into it. Midorimacchi's expressions whenever a snowball was chucked at his face were priceless. Do you remember how you used to like to pick up the snow with your bare hands? And then at the end of the day, your fingers would nearly be icicles. You'd run around and press your hands against people's faces after shouting "feel how cold my hands are!" I think you did it to me the most. But I'd still help you warm your hands up by rubbing them in between mine and then bringing your fingers up to my lips so that I could blow on them. You would always say it was because you hated wearing gloves, but sometimes I would think it was because you wanted me to hold your hands.

* * *

**Day 13**

Dear A,

I'm trying to think of how I should commit suicide… Because the next thing I'll know it'll be sixty days.

I don't want it to be painful. Or slow. I want to die peacefully, and quietly.

Maybe I should stop taking my pills and save them up so that I can overdose.

But... they've really been making feel better. I was even able to eat today. I wasn't able to eat much, but the important part was that I didn't throw up what I managed to swallow. It felt good to be able to fill my stomach up again… Or to actually be able to taste the flavor of my meal without the unpleasant bitter taste I usually get. I've gotten really skinny since the day you died. I don't even look like myself anymore.

I haven't taken off your jersey since the day Momoicchi gave it to me. My mom has suggested letting her wash it, but I refuse to let her touch it. If she washes it, your scent will be washed away as well. And this is the last bit of you that I have left.

Oh, also, I had another therapy session today. She tried asking me questions about you again, and I choked up. This time I actually cried in front of her. Unlike everyone else who has witnessed me crying, she didn't try to console me or tell me that things were going to get better. Instead, she just began taking notes in her stupid little notepad. Sometimes I wish I knew what she was writing. It's probably bad stuff. Like how much skinnier I've gotten. Or how I can never make eye contact. How my eyes water up every time she says your name, or how I tremble every time she asks about our relationship. I think she hates me. She always has the same, impassive look – as if she'd rather be doing other things. I'd rather be doing other things as well, but I don't really have a choice.

* * *

**Day 14,**

Dear A,

I go back to school tomorrow. According to my parents, I have no choice. And two weeks of absence should have been long enough for me to recover. They don't understand… They still have each other. How would they know the heartbreak I'm going through? I broke down in front of them again, but the tears didn't work this time. They said if I don't return to school, I'll end up failing this year. I don't mind, really. Because it's not like I'll be here next year. It took all I had not to say that out loud. I'm sure if I told my parents I'm planning to end my life in forty-five days, they'd have me locked up and confined somewhere where I wouldn't be able to hurt myself.

I didn't do much today other than lie in my bed in cry. I didn't take my pills earlier today because they have been starting to make my stomach hurt. It's a side effect that I'm supposed to be able to deal with, but being queasy all day was too uncomfortable for my bearing. I didn't keep in mind that this trembling feeling is worse than any stomach ache I have ever had. So I just took an antidepressant now, but it doesn't seem to be working fast enough. I just want the shaking to stop… The crying to stop… The pain to stop… I just want it all to stop…

* * *

**Day 15**

Dear A,

Everyone was staring at me when I walked on campus for the first time in two weeks. It took all I had to not break down and burst into tears as one person walked past and patted my shoulder. It was probably startling to see the former perfect model, Kise Ryouta, look so frail and weak. Despite the fact that I've been eating more as of late, I've still lost an extreme amount of weight that will take some time to gain back. It wasn't just my physical appearance that probably had people shocked, but also the dull look in my eyes. I haven't laughed or smiled since you died. Even the things I once found to be entertaining no longer appeal to me.

Kasamatsu-senpai approached me at lunch and told me I was looking better. He gave me a bentou box and jokingly stated that I should eat more, and that the skinny look wasn't working for me. I didn't laugh. But I accepted the bentou and muttered an inaudible thanks. It wasn't long until an awkward silence fell between us, and I feel as though senpai wished he hadn't approached me. After a few minutes of silent eating, the rest of the team found us, and began crowding around me with various questions. I couldn't stand being around them. So after about five minutes, I excused myself from the group, and went to go eat alone in a deserted classroom.

I cried until lunch was over. And later that afternoon, I threw up.

* * *

**Day 20**

Dear A,

It's a surprise, but somehow I managed to survive my first week back at school. The soul piercing glares haven't seemed to stop, it's as though everyone can't accept the fact that I'm not as perfect as they thought me out to be. I've been eating lunch by myself in the deserted classroom all week. I love my teammates, but they're a bit overbearing. Their attempts to make me laugh and lighten up only make me want to cry more. So I've been avoiding them all. It's been a hard task, but somehow I've managed.

And guess happened to me today? When I got home from school, Kagamicchi and Kurokocchi were waiting for me. Apparently they came all the way from Tokyo to check up on me because they haven't heard from me since you died. I will admit, I was pretty happy to see Kurokocchi. Even though kept glaring at me with this worried expression that made me feel as though he was peeling my skin off with his eyes. Kurokocchi said that the Generation of Miracles were going to meet up at your grave in a couple of days to visit you, and that I was invited. I told him I couldn't make it. This seemed to upset him, but he didn't question me any further.

"We lost someone important as well, Kise-kun," was all he said before moving on from the subject. I wanted to break down and cry at that moment, but I managed to keep myself together. I'm sure my body was trembling because the both of them were giving me these concerned glares that made me feel naked. But the important part was I was able to somewhat hold myself together…

Kagamicchi kept asking when I would be back to play basketball. I didn't want to tell him I wasn't planning on playing anymore, so I told him I'd be back soon. He seemed rather excited about this… And it kind of pained me to see how happy he was about playing against me. Because I won't be around next season.

They didn't stay long. Apparently they had some training scheduled for later that day and they couldn't risk being late. Kurokocchi threatened to visit me every day if I didn't start answering his texts, so I agreed to keep in touch.

* * *

**Day 22**

Dear A,

Sometimes I really hate you for leaving me alone.

* * *

**Day 25**

Dear A,

My teammates invited me out for karaoke today, but I declined. I don't leave the house unless it's for therapy sessions or school. I'm not ready for social gatherings yet. Though, I'd like to hang out with my team just once before my sixty days are up.

* * *

**Day 30**

Dear A,

I forgot to take my pills again today, and I feel like my chest is going to collapse. And it seemed as though everyone was trying to talk to me at school. I couldn't manage eye contact or hold a conversation properly because I couldn't breathe. Each inhale was like swallowing cinnamon, and each exhale was like a punch to my esophagus. Multiple people asked me if I was okay, and I said yes. I've fallen into a habit of lying, and it's starting to worry me. I lie even over simple things now. Such as what I'm doing with my weekend. Instead of admitting to attending therapy, I say I have photo shoots. Even though I haven't had a photo shoot in over a month.

As soon as I got home, I took a pill. But they usually take a while to kick in, so I've been lying in my bed, trembling nonstop for the past three hours. My mom called me down for dinner not that long ago, but I don't feel hungry. I'm surprised she hasn't come upstairs to check on me yet.

I haven't felt this way in a while, and I was starting to think that the feeling had gone away altogether, but I guess I was wrong. As long as you're not here, I'll never be the same again. I won't be able to live a normal life without swallowing a few pills to help me forget about my problems. It sucks. It really sucks because I'm tired of taking pills, and I'm tired of feeling alone. But I'm halfway through my sixty days, so it won't be long until I'm with you again.

* * *

**Day 32**

Dear A,

I was invited out to karaoke for the second time today, but once again, I declined. I told them I already had plans with a modeling gig out of town, so I wouldn't be able to make it. I thought they bought the excuse… Until Kasamatsu-senpai came pounding on my door. Before I could scramble out of bed and lock it, he busted into my room with an angered expression. It had been a while since I've seen that twisted look of disappointment on his face, and for a few seconds, I felt relieved. Because he was no longer treating me like some fragile, helpless being.

Before I could explain myself, he smacked me upside the head and began dragging me out of my room; spouting multiple curse words and telling me how I was never going to get better if I continued down this path. He dragged me all the way to the karaoke bar, where the rest of my team was waiting. At first I was embarrassed. Because I hadn't brushed my hair or put on the proper clothes, and they all knew that I had lied about not being able to make it.

That was until Hayakawa-senpai grinned and said, "Werru werru, rook at whar the cat dragged in."

I smiled for the first time in what seemed like years. Because I was reminded of how much I love my team.

I didn't sing, though I did enjoy watching my teammates go up on stage and humiliate themselves. And whenever someone would mess up the lyrics, Kasamatsu-senpai would turn around and kick them off stage. It's crazy to think that over the past month, nothing but me has changed.

* * *

**Day 35**

Dear A,

Do you believe in fate?

* * *

**Day 40**

Dear Aominecchi,

I went to practice today. I didn't get to participate, but I watched. I'm still a bit frail, so coach didn't want to send me in before regaining my strength. I hadn't realized how much I've missed playing basketball until today. I'm supposed to start therapy for my knee again this week, so hopefully I'll be able to partake in at least one practice before my sixty days are up. I'm going to start conditioning and working on my strength, because being told that I'm too weak to practice was really painful to hear.

The team is going out for karaoke again tomorrow. I have strength conditioning and therapy as well, so my schedule for tomorrow should be pretty full.

Kurokocchi invites me to go with him to visit your grave a lot, but I always decline. I don't think I'll ever be able to visit you, and I'm sorry. Just the thought of your decaying body being under ground and out of my reach makes me want to vomit. And I'm tired of vomiting.

* * *

**Day 43**

Dear Aominecchi,

Do you remember the first time we confessed our liking for each other? It was the day you went after Haizaki and punched him for me. We hadn't spoken to each other since our last match, so when I was finally able to catch up with you after my game against Fukuda Sougou I began blabbering on about things that didn't really matter. Including the fact that Haizaki had threatened me. This seemed to enrage you, and I didn't understand at the time because I thought you hated me. Before I could say anything else, you told me you would handle it and marched out of the gym.

It took me a while, but I chased after you. Because I realized you were probably going to do something stupid. And you did. By the time I caught up to you, you had socked Haizaki in the face. And as thrilled as I was to see that, I was a bit disappointed at the same time. Because if you were to get suspended, then I wouldn't be able to have a rematch against you. And I didn't want the reasoning for that to be because you went off and tried to save me. Besides, I believed I was capable of handling my own problems. I'm not some fragile little boy who needs saving.

So I yelled at you. When you turned around to see where the shouting was coming from, you had this scared look on your face, like you couldn't believe you had just resorted to violence. By that time, Haizaki scrambled up to his feet and ran off in fear; leaving just the both of us by ourselves. I then realized that you did something out of your character for me, and I went from being upset to being confused. So I asked, "Why did you do that?"

It took you a while to answer. You seemed to be too caught up in the pain coming from your swollen fist. But after a seemingly long while of silence, you spoke up and said, "Because I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that he hurt you when I could have stopped him." I was so beyond bafflement at that point, that all I could manage was a scoff. You hadn't tried to speak or reach out to me in months, yet there you were claiming that you cared about me.

I asked if you were playing some kind of joke on me – you said no. So then I asked if you hated me – you laughed and said no. You started taking steps towards me, grasping your injured fist in your other hand with an expression I've never seen before. It was soft, and… rather kind. Kind for you, at least. Those creases in your forehead were still apparent, and the expression looked kind of forced. But you tried, to say in the least.

Once you reached me, we stood in silence. I couldn't find the right words to say, because what I wanted to say would ultimately embarrass me. How was I supposed to say, "I love you," to someone who I thought hated me? Eventually I was able to open my mouth, but all that came out was, "So now what?"

"Feel how cold my hands are," you said, and then clamped your hands on either side of my face. I wanted to shove you away, but before I could manage to do so, you pulled me forward into a kiss. I had never felt happier in my life. Because not only were you kissing me, but you kissed me first.

I can't stop crying.

* * *

**Day 47**

Dear Aominecchi,

I was forced to sing today during karaoke, and I will admit, it felt nice to be up on the stage. Everyone clapped for me and told me how great of a singer I was afterwards, and I couldn't help but grin. It's the most fun I've had in a while.

* * *

**Day 50**

Dear Aominecchi,

My therapist told me that by the looks of it, I won't have to take my pills anymore when I'm done with the ones she's already prescribed me. Today, we talked a lot about you. I told her how you got me into basketball, and how we used to play one-on-one games every day after school. I told her how you used to bully me the most and I always thought you hated me, but that never stopped me from admiring you. I told her about our first high school official game, our first kiss, our first date…

It hurt, and I cried a lot. But I felt a lot better afterwards.

* * *

**Day 53**

Dear Aominecchi,

I got to practice today! I'm feeling really confident being that it's almost been two months since the last time I picked up a basketball. Coach was impressed as well. They still had me take it easy because of my knee, but that's just a minor factor in my gameplay. It shouldn't be long until that heals up, and I'll be able to play at one-hundred percent again.

* * *

**Day 54**

Dear Aominecchi,

It was rather quiet in the house today, being that I was the only one home. So I decided to return my mom's wind chime to its rightful place, and hung it back up outside the window. It wasn't very windy today, so it only swayed minimally in its spot. I sat by the window and stared at it – hoping that a gust of wind would blow by and play a tune. After a few long minutes, I almost gave up and went back to my room, but miraculously the wind picked up outside and started moving the chimes around.

As the symphonic tune of the wind chime began to play, I went and laid on my couch and listened for almost two hours. I forgot how soothing and beautiful it could sound. After a while, I even fell asleep. I dreamt of you, and woke up in tears, but I felt content. I don't know how to explain it, but some part of me was happy.

* * *

**Day 55**

Dear Aominecchi,

I was feeling pretty bummed out today, so I tried to isolate myself and lock myself in my room. But both of my sisters barged in and began bouncing on my bed. They said they weren't going to leave me alone anymore, and that if they saw me moping around, they were going to bug me. At first, I was annoyed. I wanted to sulk in my depression and cry my eyes out – to think of all the good times we had, and reminisce on the great times we could have had. But my sisters' laughter is... in some way… contagious.

They threw pillows at me, and sat on me while telling me about how much they loved me and how they wanted to take me out to lunch tomorrow. After multiple attempts to shove them out of my room I gave up. The three of us laid on my bed and began talking about school and work, and I had a few good laughs. My oldest sister went on about her ex-boyfriend and how he wouldn't leave her alone. I offered beating him up for her, and she playfully nudged my shoulder, telling me how violence was never the answer. Her overdramatic expressions and story-telling abilities had all of us in near tears from laughing so hard.

She thinks I didn't notice, but at one point, my mom poked her head into my room and smiled.

* * *

**Day 58**

Dear Aominecchi,

I finished my pills, and it's the first day I'm going without them. I'm feeling pretty good, considering how I used to be when I would accidentally forget to take them. I'm not trembling, so that's good. I can't say that I don't want to cry, but I usually always want to cry. I just manage to hold back the tears and force a smile. Hopefully, all goes well, and I won't need these pills anymore. It really sucks living life drugged up, you know?

* * *

**Day 59**

Dear Aominecchi,

It's crazy that it's almost been sixty days! Don't you think that's crazy, Aominecchi?

* * *

**Day 60**

Dear Aominecchi,

I've been staring at this piece of paper for nearly an hour, trying to think of how I was going to write this. So I decided to start with how much I love you.

You were the best thing to ever happen to my life. From the first day we met, to the last day we kissed – you made me unbelievably happy. There is no way I will be able to find another person who made me as blissful as you did. I don't regret any moment I spent with you. Not a single one. Because if things would have gone differently, then perhaps we would have never found love in each other. I love everything about you, starting from your bad attitude to your rarely expressed passionate one. You were admired by so many people, including myself, and that's what I loved most about you.

I'm supposed to end my life and be reunited with you today.

And I wanted to say, I'm sorry.

Because I'm going to keep living.

Not because it took sixty days for my heart to heal. No. That's probably one of the most stupidest quotes you've ever made, Aominecchi. My heart will always be broken as long as we're not together. But it did take sixty days for me to realize that I can still move forward with a broken heart. There's so many other things I want to do first before meeting you on the other side. Like leading Kaijou to victory, graduating high school, and going to college. I want to see where life takes me. And it'd be selfish of me to take myself away from my family.

So, I'm not going to write to you, anymore, Aominecchi. This will be my last letter, and I hope that somehow you'll be able to read them and see just how miserable I am without you. Knowing you, you'll probably laugh… Stupid, Aominecchi.

I hope to see you soon, and I'm sorry that today couldn't be the day that we got to be together again. But just because it's not happening today, doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. Whether it be a day from now, sixty days, or even sixty years –

_It's worth the wait if I can be with you for eternity._

Love your kitty,

Kise

* * *

_After signing his name on the last letter, he ripped it out of his journal and threw it into a glass bowl along with the rest of his sixty letters. The blond locks of his hair whisked around hectically in the wind – tears rolling down his cheeks slowly as he quietly sobbed over Aomine's grave. It had been the first time since he died that Kise had visited him._

_Kise wiped his tears away with his sleeve, and then kneeled down to set a fire on the letters he spent his last two months writing to his beloved Aominecchi. It didn't take long for the fire to spread throughout the thin pieces of paper, and the next thing he knew, a large flame was emitting from the glass bowl – leaving nothing but ashes and remembrance of his grief. He tilted his head back slightly, and watched as the smoke from the fire lifted into the sky, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He hoped that his words would pass through the smoke, and reach wherever Aomine was._

_A few more tears were shed before reaching into his bag and pulling out a small wind chime he had bought from the antique store. The design of it reminded him of Aomine in a way. It was carved with expertise, and had a thin lining of dark blue along the wood. When the metal tubes of the chime would clang together, they would make soft, harmonious tunes that were pleasant to Kise's ears. He held the wind chime out and let the wind blow it around for a few minutes. The music from the chimes causing his nerves to calm down and his heart feel content. He felt as though Aomine were standing behind him, with his chin rested on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around his waist, smiling smugly at how beautiful the wind chime sounded._

_When Kise turned his head over his shoulder, nothing other than a few stray leaves blowing around in the wind was there. His heart sunk at the realization, and he continued on with bidding his farewell. He reached his hand into his bag again to pull out a small stand, which he impaled into the dirt next to Aomine's grave, and then he tied to wind chime from it so that it would always blow with the wind._

_'It's soothing, isn't it?' Kise whispered as he watched it sway back and forth with each gust. And when the fire finally diminished within the bowl, he pressed a good bye kiss to Aomine's tombstone, and got up to walk away._

* * *

**_As sun rose in the early dawn_**

**_And skies were lit with gold,_**

**_I saw the clouds go passing by_**

**_And watched my dreams unfold,_**

**_For as the morning breeze did blow_**

**_It softly spoke to me,_**

**_The wind chime played the sweetest song_**

**_A graceful melody._**

**_I rested in the leafy shade_**

**_Whilst there I thought of you,_**

**_I closed my eyes and there I wished_**

**_That you were with me too,_**

**_And as the noontime breeze did blow_**

**_Across the summer sky,_**

**_The wind chime played the sweetest song_**

**_That through the air did fly._**

**_As shadows started falling_**

**_On the dark deserted ground,_**

**_I heard a gentle ringing then_**

**_So beautiful the sound,_**

**_For as the evening breeze did blow_**

**_And glowing sun did set,_**

**_The wind chime played the sweetest song_**

**_I never shall forget._**

**_I watched the fading afterglow_**

**_That slowly slipped away,_**

**_Beneath the dark horizon far_**

**_To close another day,_**

**_And as the twilight breeze did blow_**

**_And stars did shine above,_**

**_The wind chime played the sweetest song_**

**_The sweetest song of love._**

**_― Andrew Blakemore_**


End file.
